One man slowly gave us the finger and screamed for the fucking gringos to get out of the country, to get out!
The little boy smiled and waved, said hello and we smiled and said hello back.
The innocence of youth versus the rage of age. I understand why he is angry, the United States has continually fucked up and intervined in Nicaraguan affairs since 1833. He has every right to be angry and to direct it at us. The boy has every right to be happy because here, right now we are working to construct a better future for all of us. Its just a matter of how you see it and how each conversation and interaction goes. This is a lesson I am learning and living everyday. Today was just a good example.
its the horse parade today. an exciting amalgamation of locals, out of towners, beer and the most beautiful horses of nicaragua. im excited, though this tickle in my throat and the snot in my nose are slowing me down, i will try to get out there and enjoy the event. who misses a chance to wear a dress shirt and parade around town drunk at 4 in the afternoon. Not me, my friends, not me.
I hope that everyone is doing well out there. Ive got an exciting month coming up, the first week will be in costa rica at an international conference of fair trade producers as a representative from the united states fair trade student movement. Thats about a week, then back for a week when then next student arrives and then to some crazy amount of work to prepare for a range of meetings in the states that my boss will be attending and, in theory, we are moving at the end of this month. That is what I am most excited about, the move, cause i really want to live in the center of town where everything is closer and i dont have to be a 30 minute walk from everything or a 10 minute bike ride. So, im excited, because there are some great things coming up in this month and I am really looking forward to pushing myself out there and learning new things, meeting new people and changing my living space.
Amazing. I guess i could go on but im happy even though everyday is hard and everyday brings me down a little lower to my knees. I love it. I really do. And its going to maintain its level of challenge, of frustration and of difficulties but hey, i didnt move out of the belly of the beast to have a cake walk. i came out here to challenge myself and to grow and to learn and to keep fucking pushing things on.
some asshole started giving me shit while i was eating lunch today near the gastronomical demonstration that had been organized as part of the fiesta patronales and really, it just fucking sucks when some idiot asshole decides that he has to bother you today and give you shit for whatever reason. god.
what really got to me about it was that i work so hard to be accepted and a part of this community and with a one minute interaction this fuck can tear me down to feel as if i am absolutely nothing. the constant battle aspect of it is what destroys me, there is almost no peace. always on, always performing and the one second i let it down and sit down to eat my lunch in peace, this fuck rolls up and destroys me.
its so hard some days to deal with that and then keep on working and moving on as if nothing had happened to me. but i have to, cause if i let every asshole here get to me and tear me down then id be sleeping in a ditch and I dont have time to sleep in a ditch, nor do i want to. i just want to be able to relax and let it all hang out. you know?
whatever. i was in a good mood yesterday and now i feel like shit. up one day down another.
Israel has been killing innocents and destroying southern Lebanon for almost a month now. My friend Mary just returned from Lebanon and has sent out a letter which I repost below along with some useful articles and action steps you can take right now.
Dear Friends,
Thanks to all of you who wrote me back, and sorry if I have not written personal responses to everyone. To people I did not write before - i returned a week and a half ago from Lebanon, where I had been visiting family (with my mother, father and sister) and studying at the Lebanese American University.
Since I returned, my family and I have been busy working with the American-Arab anti-Discrimination Committee to organize lebanese-americans, jewish-american and supporters in opposition to the gravely escalating tragedy that continues in Lebanon. There are some efforts in the House of Representatives to call for an immediate ceasefire, namely resolutions by Shirley Jackson Lee and Dennis Kucinich.
There is a letter on the True Majority page that you can add to or change.
Also, below I am posting an Op-Ed by Fouad Siniora, Prime Minister of Lebanon, printed in yesterday's Washington Post. You may all have heard that Lebanon refused the Resolution Proposed by the US and France in the UN security council. Lebanon's opposition to the Resolution is due mainly to the fact that it does not call for the immediate withdrawal of Israeli troops from Southern Lebanon and allows Israel the option of continuing "defensive attacks" against Hezbollah. The Lebanese government demands an immediate end to Israel's occupation of Lebanon - fearing that IDF troops will find a pretext to attack Hezbollah (before an international force can replace the IDF) and spark renewed violence, as happened endless times during the previous Isreali occupation of Lebanon during the Lebanese civil war.
If you are interested in further analysis, I have set up a blog on which I am posting links to articles and to websites where you can find out more about protest events. unfortuantely alot of my journaling that I did while away has been lost on my mother's computer which was stolen in London - im still trying to recover it. . i will post more ASAP at Boston Lebanon News
Much love,
Mary
Here are some articles taken from Mary's blog to give you a more balanced perspective aside from what the dailies are spewing out there.
Fair trade coffee cooperatives, walking in steps I walked in 2 years ago, speaking Spanish, translating, feeling both mixed up and out of place.
Popping, I popped today.
Just a little and it was directed at a few people. Theoretical and tangible. Goal driven and somewhat cynical. I am the last person in the netcafe.
Dinner is soon and this is a hodge podge, but last night was fantastic and I dont know why today I burst. No, I lie. I know.
One comment, small and rather silly unimformed and selfish got to me. That comment opened up the floodgates to some anger and disgust along with criticisms of that person that I had been holding for a while. Now, happily, she is not here and I am with the rest of the United Students for Fair Trade group. And we are about to dine on amazing Italian food in one of the warmest and most amazing cities in Nicaragua.
waking up late. turning over again and again, knowing the time and not wanting to get out of bed or move or face the world today. those streets of ocotal, bright, sunny burning, no clouds like yesterday, my eyes charring and demanding that I return to my dark room. But no, I keep moving, pedalling slowly as my legs work up the energy to take me to the post office, to Donde la Lucilita and then to work at the ciber.
my brain has been moving slowly too, repeatedly turning over yesterday like a motorcycle that wont start in my head and just listening to engine sitting idly, not idling, in my mind. Leaving me in a situation without knowing what to do next.
There is work to be done, phone calls to be made, emails to be sent and then I must pack. We are moving in town and then I am going for a little trip to Jinotega and Matagalpa for a few days to work with some USFT kids.
On another note: Murray Bookchin, founder of the Institute for Social Ecology, has died. Read more here. I spent a few afternoons in Murray's Burlington apartment listening to him talk and learning from his deep pools of wisdom and to know that he has died saddens me deeply. I went to that school, it was a formative experience for me and the people I met there have continued to inspire me as I work and grow as a thinker, writer and activist. I wish I could be in Burlington for the service. Just to hug and see everyone. Shit, bad news.
