some asshole started giving me shit while i was eating lunch today near the gastronomical demonstration that had been organized as part of the fiesta patronales and really, it just fucking sucks when some idiot asshole decides that he has to bother you today and give you shit for whatever reason. god.

what really got to me about it was that i work so hard to be accepted and a part of this community and with a one minute interaction this fuck can tear me down to feel as if i am absolutely nothing. the constant battle aspect of it is what destroys me, there is almost no peace. always on, always performing and the one second i let it down and sit down to eat my lunch in peace, this fuck rolls up and destroys me.

its so hard some days to deal with that and then keep on working and moving on as if nothing had happened to me. but i have to, cause if i let every asshole here get to me and tear me down then id be sleeping in a ditch and I dont have time to sleep in a ditch, nor do i want to. i just want to be able to relax and let it all hang out. you know?

whatever. i was in a good mood yesterday and now i feel like shit. up one day down another.