indeed, the days are begining to roll together. the course begins to generate momentum finding me in its path, so along for a ride i go.

my mind over flows with issues, struggles revolving around duality and its manifestations throughout my life.

im going to write in detail later, to specify and understand the issues and binary answers i present or am presented with. hoping to find another path, or many other paths.

negative stereotypes keep cropping up. often when i am stoned, sometimes when i am not. they are simple easy solutions to often complex humans and situations. action versus thought. stuck. this duality presents itself, wall like, impeding me. cracks exist, paths grow over under and around yet my strength fails, i trip and the end is not near.

this is my dilemma, accepted. to work through it and survive without alienating anyone, causing harm, destroying relationships, or ruining current projects is the challenge. to add positive twists to all the above is my ultimate goal. if i can leave this summer after building more radical contacts, learning wonderful things, and understanding, befriending, and caring for those who confuse, annoy, and/or emulate parts of myself i despise - that would make for a summer of real growth, true change, and honest inner revolution.

rar...

so im here in vermont, at the institute for social ecology(www.social-ecology.org) got my tent set up and ive survived the first night complete with rain and wind and all sorts of lovelyness, its been raining today to and so far the inside of my tent is all dry, ive got seal the seams tomorrow but after that i should be golden. that term, golden, has cropped up twice in my language since ive been here, eek. new slang.

ok ive got to run and write real letters.

ai


d

1:16am on the east coast, bus leaves at 5:45am for vermont, and
the packing, of my pack, has just ended. unexplored territory looms
on the horizon as with each morning in europe and the excitement bubbles over as i write.

this time, the pack is huge. in addition to clothes & books there
is a tent, a sleeping bag, a sleeping pad, and two big ole tarps.
there is actually a house on my back. superb.

in jersey school is done, bergen county is being developed rapidly,
trees fall like icicles in april while parking lots and houses of
leisure rise like piles of leaves in autumn, job was filled with
fun and learning, the bergen action network and the guang yang collective
approach summer as we usually do, armed gusto and sparks of madcap
creation, a wonderfully beautiful and intriguing woman kissed me
last night. i love going but i hate leaving.

so, in the next few hours ill be making some vegan cheese and tomatoe
sandwhiches for the bus, reading mist of avalon, and thinking about
adventures had and those to come. my heart goes out to everyone
aided by smiles, hugs, and kisses to express my love and fondess.

make this world anew, each day.

goodness

its a time of discovery, thats for certain. brand new paths wide open, and the direction to take is not specified. i am curious, afraid, but daring underneath and inside safe.

late nights

mental calamity - the eye in the center of the storm is collapsing - someone has turned the kitchen light and exposed my sins.


this is me not knowing about the future at all

AT ALL

there is the distinct possibility that i will be on the road for almost the next year straight, being at home for no more than a month in a clip. summer = vermont, fall = china, spring = india.

amazing right? unbelievable, incredible, thrilling, totally a mind fucker? well you bet your bum it is.

will these adventures show me who i am? will they? will they?

ha

these are the questions that i ask myself, day in and day out.

this travel will afford me the opportunity to do amazing things and simulataneous earn my degree, yay. there are concerns in place about whether or not i will be able to graduate by the end of next year if i do the travelling. there are some courses that must be fought for and won at ramapo and time is running short. mostly my use of time was good and bad this semester. accomplished alot, the grades will be solid, and ive learned tons. but im tired and want sleep and throwing my poor old soul straight into adventure would be great if i can remedy these problems.

we will see

but ive got get it all together for the end of the semester before i die of freaking out and bad grades and now that the organizing is done i should have the time, i just havent got the desire. so where the desire come from?

ive got the desire to be free of concerns going into this summer and meeting the responsibilities that i set for myself. indeed.

every hour passed is an hour in which work could be done.

hm.

i need to get my shit together.