1:54 am january 5th, 2004

my mind spins

adjusting to the world, the real world, how it is. or how they want it to be fucking sucks.

loans?!?!?!

my mother was talking about mortgages? how the fuck do you spell that? why? what? she couldnt deal with the fact that i do not want a loan. i do not want to be held down by some fucking huge ass debt to the government. that is seriously horrible.

as of right now, i see some avenues.

1. fuck all normal paths, go travelling and leave a love note for the parents.
2. do school, do more school, do more school and then teach.
3. do school, get a socially conscious 9-5, and buy socially conscious material possesions.
4. mix and match the amounts of school with socially conscious work/consumption.
5. go farming/wwoofing around, take those skills back to my rents farm.
6. go farm, fuck the parents.

try to balance it all. but what exactly? i dont know. activism, school, love, my insecurities, pressure from the outside world.
7.