Saturday, June 07, 2003

its not like i didnt know this.

but casual sex makes me real uncomfortable especially when im involved it and its real good.

im still processing it.

and ill get back to y'all in a few days.

just wierd


and i ffreaaaking hate it when short red heads who live in fairlawn dont call or return ims.

what the fuck is up with that shit? huh?

psha

i love people. all types. people love me? ha. some how i doubt that.


im going to experiment with sleeping now.


ai

Thursday, June 05, 2003

woiefbwlflbnwe[ofbwfjbjsfllnsdf'lkksndvf[aeworbgfwrogn qwrgfmwrg
;;knwrgwr



its just good

vegan potluck at my place tomorrow. 7pm be there. call or email me for directions. d@bergenaction.net

the room is getting cleaner by the day. im moving an old couch out tonight. oh yeah. by myself. hot hot sweet sweat back pulling time. that couch gooes to the trash, the other smaller one goes to the garage sale for BAN and Venceremos this sunday. and a large basket of goodies i hope some people buy so i dont have to worry about em anymore. it feels excellent to do a purging of my room. the removal of accumulated waste is great. sorting through old stuff is fun as hell. memories come running back in waves but i dont mind. i went through everything. ive got it down to a real small amount of stuff and that feels so good. not bare minimums but low, real low and that feels good. why? i dont have a solid grasp on why it does. i catch the fleeting glimpse of freedom every time i throw something away. a little patch of me becomes liberated from the bounds of physical possesions and i can breathe with less strain on my heart and more room in my brain for the ideas to dig deep and plant themselves. its good.

im not sure

so now its europe. the app for the program is almost done, and if i remembered html, i would make a link for y'all but i dont. so effin cut and paste you dorks.

http://www.emich.edu/abroad/ECHT2003/index.html

be jealous. im hoping for excellence and exploding minds each step of the way and if not then i have plenty of time to rest & relax with myself away from this. from this place, this jersey, this collection of people, this repeatition of control systems which we refuse to acknowledge.

ive been making out with a few people recently. both are good friends. im hesitant to pursue either for more, not any type of relationship now - aside from friendship - but pursue for more naked time. we will see? will we? i hope we will. both kayla and katharine - two k's - never noticed that before - are great. kayla trumphs katharine in thought provoking conversation yet katharine wins the funny sarcastic witty prize. so i like them both. but kayla is leaving on saturday for costa rica and then i leave for south africa, so i hope to see her both thursday night and friday night.

ack ack ack
.
im still livid with vanessa and if i saw her i would probably get shaky and angry and be unable to talk for a few seconds. mostly i just want joey to get his book back and i hope that my rents can work some sort of deal with the airlines out to refund the tickets. argh. so fucked up, could of fucking told me before the money was spent. just so fucked up, this happens. and people move on. im just angry and emotional now, so its whats coming out yeah.

cleaning the motha fucking room - shitty shitty shitty.

but needed. man im really talking about some useless shit here.

so, to wrap this fucking crap up. anyone who wants to chill - better find me now! cause its booking up fast before south africa. d at bergenaction dot net.

love

the d

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

fuck

i had well over 300 more words and this goddamn thing killed it. i really detest my inability to manage and manipulate these machines.

fuck it.

in short:

no hawaii, thank you vanessa, have fun, give me my book back, and relish in your disgusting dissapointing selfishness.

ai

ok so fuck it.

red apples rock - so do green, yellow, mutlicolored apples and propaghandi. and people. laurens in all shapes and sizes and from all over bergen county, mostly those with red hair and nerd glasses.


zip pop bow bam boom

its been a wild time my fine feathered friends. the past odd hours have been out of control but like excellent alll the same.

thursday night, sign making at my house, me and saiya baking cookies, l, josh, jake, mike, saiya and i rocked the signs, smiled and laughed at cookies drank soy milk, smiled and enjoyed each others company.

i have such a crush.

l, josh, and jake kicked out. leaving me, saiya, and mike to jam on some random instruments. saiya does a rousing rendition of baby, im an anarchist. they bailed round 1130. the next morning i pick up saiya, and meet mike and then head over to teen arts. which was excellent and fucking amazing, totally superb, and sunny delicious and jamming. making drums out of garbage cans, tables, and straw tins, and smilin and giving out 500 hundred flyers, spreading the word and the love. i always went during high school, and this was so much better, the people are great, and the sun is beyond belief, and it jjust rocks, something about it was super terrific. we ate a green market with chris and zoe, talked about the FTAA committee and ate excellent food. then went to the demo, which was attended by about 30-45 people, good diversity of groups. and some random street walkers setting up a pro-war demo. which, i wonder, what exactly does that mean? pro-war? kill everyone? all war is good? im in the military? i make guns? i make money off of suffering? or i enjoy the status quo? or i like to see the news ratings go up cause my dad is rupert murdoch?

its silly.

karis seems cool - but unstable, approach, but approach with caution.

joe said it well - co-dependent. but hey, we will see right?

after the demo, me and katharine kicked it.

now, its been about a year since ive known this girl. and each time she gets better and better. again, im proved honesty is the best thing ever(i'll elaborate) we ate at veggie heaven, the food there is beyond belief, call me and we will go sometime. we laughed alot, smiled alot, were loud, enjoyed good food. drank tea, and just were. after that we got drinks from rcc and sat in the park, being close and looking at the sky. then we went to a playground in ridgewood similar to finch park, but smaller, we played on swings, crawl spaces, slides, bouncy things, the grass, and tire swings. jess and brian were there, getting freaky! we busted them and laughed at each other. there was some talking, i was not too interested in what was being said, so i played monkey and climbed all over and hung on wierd places and smiled more, katharine and i drifted away from jess and brain, swang on some swings, spun round and round and round on the tire swing. i laughed till it hurt. that was good, real good, just like shedding clothes at the end of a long day. after all the spinning we were nauseous, so there was lying on the grass, and soft small talk, flirts, and jests, comments, and ideas, and such looks, such hidden furtive glances, trying to catch a glimmer of it in each others eyes, and thanks to the moon i was inspired. we left, and i dropped her at her car, but before she left, we talked about funny stuff. emotions and honesty and how we feel. we both are attracted to each other, there are no questions there. but we both hesitate to do things. to kiss because of what happened last time. we spoke to our fears. and we kissed and it was good. and i smiled and she smiled and there was happiness across the land.

saturday could not compare. work, saw my friend jon, i am going to rip off sb for a few weeks of work, to stimulate my personal economy.

sunday - respectively nuts. sleep, BAN, kayla. kayla was the nuts part. us making out, us putting blankets on the field at finch park, then us getting under those blankets and moving to the music of the night was nuts. and the cop who asked us to leave was also nuts. ha. like hahahahahahahahahahahaha. it was good, it added to the already very hilarious encounter. she is a good person, will it happen again? i am not sure.


FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING BITCH.

van. i want to rip her eyes out and dance a two step with steel toes on her ovaries.

Monday, June 02, 2003

love love love love


i am in such love

with so much.

music - its inspirational and mood stabilizaing, maintaining, and destabilizing.


i dont kknow how much i like this journal

i have been lax with the updating
just another phase i guess.

hm

i dont know
everyday writing increases one's skills and makes one happy. and prompts thought and challlenges

who knows, right?

not i, not me.