late nights

mental calamity - the eye in the center of the storm is collapsing - someone has turned the kitchen light and exposed my sins.


this is me not knowing about the future at all

AT ALL

there is the distinct possibility that i will be on the road for almost the next year straight, being at home for no more than a month in a clip. summer = vermont, fall = china, spring = india.

amazing right? unbelievable, incredible, thrilling, totally a mind fucker? well you bet your bum it is.

will these adventures show me who i am? will they? will they?

ha

these are the questions that i ask myself, day in and day out.

this travel will afford me the opportunity to do amazing things and simulataneous earn my degree, yay. there are concerns in place about whether or not i will be able to graduate by the end of next year if i do the travelling. there are some courses that must be fought for and won at ramapo and time is running short. mostly my use of time was good and bad this semester. accomplished alot, the grades will be solid, and ive learned tons. but im tired and want sleep and throwing my poor old soul straight into adventure would be great if i can remedy these problems.

we will see

but ive got get it all together for the end of the semester before i die of freaking out and bad grades and now that the organizing is done i should have the time, i just havent got the desire. so where the desire come from?

ive got the desire to be free of concerns going into this summer and meeting the responsibilities that i set for myself. indeed.

every hour passed is an hour in which work could be done.

hm.

i need to get my shit together.