ok

im nervous

got court tomorrow

do not want to be in jail tomorrow. but i was aware of the consequences of my actions. when considering jail time a month ago it was an idea in the abstract, tomorrow night is real.

on march 20th five of us blockaded rt 4. in teaneck to protest the invasion of iraq. we locked up and stopped traffic round 730am- good timing right? and at the place where rt 4 becomes 2 lanes, so that there is jamming there anyway - capitalizing upon the natural flow of traffic - now i dont want any worrying about us - we took all needed precautions to save ourselves additional trouble - like getting run over - although some asshole in a mazda 626 almost hit me, dark green, and id say 3-4 years old, if i ever find him, wow, i would seriously consider breaking my non-violence and hitting him or her. aside from that, it went well, we were successful in our goals - media, inspiration, moral satisfaction - but tomorrow is court. and this raises other fun issues.

as of now, we are facing either: up to 500 dollars in fines, or up to 30 days in jail. petty disorderly persons. county violation

jail.

NO SUNLIGHT!

NO GRASS!

and probably a hunger strike cause i aint breaking my veganism for this shit.

ok - so 500 bucks or jail?

i want to figure this out before i go tomorrow morning and have to choose on the spot. i am leaning towards jail time - my parents have offered to front the 500 and then i'll repay them - or i could go to jail.

i do not want to be endebted to my rents any more than i am - 360 right now. managable - 860? much less managble - especially considering that i have until august 20th to pay it off. however, it is not impossible. i will just have a sparse summer - and we have already recieved approximately 400 in donations(more can be expected) - so i can expect at least a hundred to defray the costs - making me owe about 760 to the folks - i could handle that in about 8 weeks - living cheaply - thats fine i can do it. but there is more than just financial crap here - there some moral issues, should i pay? should i shell out the money for it? should i take the time? the solitude? cost the state some money have some time for thinking - meet some new people, lift wieghts, read books, sleep, or whatever. it would be an experience. and cost the state a few bucks in the process. although it could be argued that i am taking money away from valued social programs. ha, what valued social systems exist in jersey?

i entered into the civil disobedience knowing full well i would be arrested. i knew full well jail time was an option and i was admittedly wrapped up in the romance of it. i loved it and would never change any of it. not for one second. so would it be violating the morals of the action to pay the money - yes and no - and if it was why are we raising money like crazy people? for me - i think it is, but our point is already made the media did thier bit and we did ours and thankfully the war is winding down, un-thankfully it had to start. so the boy is torn like a piece of paper right down the middle.

practicality vs. ideals.

why is it always this fight i have? cause i am living in a society that rallies against everything i believe in. i have to treat my ideals like doormats if i want to do anything here - no wonder i am packing up and going about 5000 miles away to a secluded tropical island.

side note: i love this thing cause i can open a new entry and leave it open and to it slowly and slowy till i want to post it.

so its shitty - ok - this is it - i will take the jail time under two circumstances: if everyone else is doing it and if i can schedule it for the summer. if not, ill pay the dues and owe it to the rents. shit. i hate this bullshit.