aye so fuck this - again - i tend to start alot of entries like that - i wonder why?


food - food


has anyone else ever eaten food? cause i have and i love it i love all of it - all of the vegan kind that is - and i might have a problem with it.

not so far as a problem directly related to food but i tend to dive head long into anything and everything i discover and then burn out like a dying star - using up all of myself and pushing the limits of people i work with - what the fuck does that have to do with food? well food has been around in my life, seriously in my life since like 5th grade - had an eating issue then - i used to work the milk cart just to steal 75 cents to buy an extra slice of pizza each day - and put on some serious wieght which never really went away - ive got a lanky frame - fragile almost - slim wrists and what not - and all this extra wieght - my diving headlong into things with out serious exploration of them first relates to food in that once i have food - i have to eat it - it takes the utmost control i can muster to not devour everything in my possession immediately - i buy a sandwhich and get back into the car and eat while i am driving - buy 3 luna bars eat one, wait, and hour and then devour the other two for no good reason after eating a plate of cavatelli and broccolli and tofu - what the fuck is wrong with me? huh? why cant i say NO! why cant i enjoy what i have and not want more - fuck this angers me. fuck. alot.

hm i should be grateful im not living somewhere where i do not have any food at all - but that is no excuse for me to ignore my problems here.

i try to live by what i need and what makes me happy.

i do not need extra food. it makes me happy.

how fuck to solve this one?

now i am late for class - 18 minutes late that is. :P