a few days on cape cod, a few days with jackson and sarah always have me questioning and marvelling at how we ended up here. how did we move from protest to vacation? why are beaches more appealling than strange city streets? what is my friendship with them, and why is it still going on?

its confusing but satisfying, we cook together, clean together, and go on adventures together. we dream similar dreams and work towards similar goals. the distance in between us is like an unexplored void sometimes, vast and daunting, but other times its close, comforting and warm, generally i just feel confused about whats going between the three of us with our radically different lives.

But when we are apart, when I am thinking of the people in the states that i want to write to, its jackson or sarah, when i think of the people that i trust with my life when it comes to a protest, its jackson or sarah, when it comes to people, that despite moments of awkwardness, i feel that i can come to with problems and that will be there for me. its jackson and sarah.

the navigating of that void and the reflection of myself that it casts upon me is challenging. i am petrified of walking into it and i know that, well, no, i dont know quite what to do about it.