walking again through homesick lane, hearing npr and imagining warm saturdays driving to work and the three way intersection in westwood at which i would make a left and park in the trader joe's parking lot before i walked to work.

thinking about kate, trying not to, but the second i step away from any deeply engaging activity she would come up into my brain and just hover there and i would happily resign myself to love and not knowing when i would speak to her again. waiting is an unfriendly, unfun and deadly boring.

I love librarians.

My bike is sitting next to me, an empty container of bat guhr on the floor and a few wrappers of chocolate peanut candies in my bag. headphones on and wait, wait, dont tell me! playing are all trying to keep my grounded through this burst of time that keeps trying to wrench me off the ground. viciously and without mercy. i feel like a balloon. I want to shave and rip off my stomach, throw myself infront of a semi burning down the panamerican right infront of the trifecta of bars and la shell and just die. its one of those moments and i dont quite know what to do with myself.

hm. there are some clouds in the sky right now. i might go hide beneath them and smile as the world turns around me today. return and hide in my un welcome, un private home, hoping that today there would be some type of solace for me there, but i am, sure, that there wont be and the only way to move my self forward will be to do some problem solving.

demetrius