the storm has mostly passed but it still at times is rough waters. there is alot of stuff that relates to this about judgement that i need to work through and id like to talk with you about it when i get home cause im stuck and need to sound this off of others. ive got my list of stuff to finish while im still in india and thats coming along as well.

and yeah today - which happened after i wrote the first 2 paragraphs of this email was fucking awesome. so i went to sangama a organization that works with sexual minorities (i hate the term) to do research for my sex workers paper. i should of gone to this place in january cause its fucking amazing -and when i think january i think snow - thats fucking wierd - but yeah, so a fabulous library and resource center, which i briefly perused before sitting in on a meeting about hijiria's (born men who live as women and survive on sex work and begging) and the discrimination they face at the hands of the police and judiciary in mysore (city about 2 hours drive south of bangalore) interesting meeting, alot got lost because of the shitty translation and my lackof kannada (state language). anyway, as wonderful as most gay people are, the kothis(born men with feminine interests/characteristics who also often work as sex workers) told me about a house warming for a hijiria and invited me, so i went - and the craziness ensued - so imagine walking the down the street with a gang of overly flaming gay boys who are all 5'1 or 5'2 and dark skinned and being a 6'2 white as ghost boy in the middle of them throught the streets of bangalore, then onto one bus, then onto another bus and this time we only go one stop and we all pile near the door, the bus slows down to a roll and two boys jump off, i jump off next and SPLAT!! straight to the bangalore pavement, cutting my knee, ankle, shin, and palm of my right side - they all feel bad and some ma starts draggin me to a doctors when the hijirias show up, with stubble and sari and all and im like - oh my - so i wipe off and clean up and then follow the boys down a side street, pass the jeers and jaunts of locals towards a pumping stereo system blasting indian music mixed with hard rock and techno beats and im surrounded by kothis and hijirias and all sorts of fabulous people crammed into a tiny section of a street intersection and im smiling and using my limited kannada to its fullest extent, cause being the only white boy there im a hitand cause im cute im even more of a hit and i smile and chat and make eyes and realize that i am in the epicenter for transgender bangalore sex workers and then like where the fuck am i! its amazing and one of the ladies, name forgotten smiles at me, and introduces her self and blows me a kiss, which i return, we meet eyes, hold eyes, she gives me a hug, twice and we move away. later, while squeezing into the tiny dining area (tent) she passes me and our hair is brushing and our breath mixed and she thrusts her entire body against mine and i almost wilt but carry on because this is just part of life. i sit, enjoy a fabulous meal. and wash my hands exchange brief eyes with the lady who has been so friendly to me and leave.

and i think. and i wonder. what if i had stayed?

we returned to sangamsa's via autorickshaw, think black and yellow chickpea with three wheels on crack ducking and weaving in and out of traffic. back at the office i do some reading, and then head to the main room to chat with the boys and girls and inbetween and in walk two nepalis, both of which are fabulously hot and are shooting a film about hijirias, we chat, exchange numbers and emails and i get another bus to a different section of the city, where i am now. emailing and drinking juice and thinking what a wonderful life i lead.

so yeah. life is wonderful and beautiful and even with all the motherfucking problems that exist in my life i know that everything is horribly horribly horribly fine.

god joe. what kind of world are we living in? where the most beautiful and vibrant people are relegated to side streets and stares and mutilation and abuse and the hands of the authorities.

im cry i had such a wonderful day.

lovedemetrius