hugs.

all i want when i get back are hugs.

the fire here doesnt burn pleasantly, it burns me, my skin, my face, my hands, my feelings and thoughts. it burns my minutes and my hours, my journeys and returns. it burns my room, and my bed, my dreams, and my waking moments. these burns scar.

this fire is making me afraid to burn brightly, this fire sits and waits for me to make mistakes this is not a strong pleasant hearth fire but roaring apartment blaze and the screams coming from inside are all the different me's being burnt alive.

ill stand with you in that field of matches and we'll ignite the world but this fire that blazes here makes me angry and afraid this fire makes me afraid to tower and rage and bellow and reach to the sky, this fire here hurts like no fire before has and these scars will not fade as the others have.

i dream now of ponds and lakes, damned streams that make pools with sandy bottoms where i can bask nude in the sunlight with my feet tickling the bottom and little fishes swimming in between my toes. i sleep now with my head in deep grass watching clouds pass over heard and listening to distant voices laugh and shout. i close my eyes and see the twinkle of a million stars over heard and hear the chorus of a million spring peepers all around me. i imagine my but sitting firmly in a garden bed and hands covered with dirt, seeds being sown and weeds being pleasantly efficently removed.

im dreaming of cool warmth of sweet memories of being different and not understanding what that means.

see you soon, and thanks so much.
demetrius