ha.

the interview was amazing. both of the interviewers were real, relaxed, honest, fun, happy, and very very very comforting. aside from possibly having a new job, i earned & found myself a new mom. yay for surrogate mothers!!!

the job should be great. i would be working for the members of SEIU Local 32BJ. they are a proggressive union with activist leanings - Service Employees International Union - good stuff - i hope i get it. they said that i would hear from them shortly, which is good. im thinking about maybe living in NYC for a few months this summer while working for them, if i work for them. it would be an excellent experience to have. and a superb contrast before working on a farm in hawaii.

i got to see kayla on saturday for about an hour - always an interesting treat. we sat in union square and talked for a bit. sometimes i feel wierd talking to her, to anyone. Kayla is a real smart woman, funny, beautiful, hairy, passionate, sensitive, sexual. has a drive inside her to ask questions and take moderate chances. we share some similar political views - also she has some great artistic ability and a shitty taste in music. hm - i think sometimes she lives too much in theory instead of reality, its odd not bad just odd. sometimes i do the same. she was talking about a few different things: how her emotions come out in her video shoots, her art in general, her search for an apartment, quibbles with roomates and some mental growth - but yesterday i did not want to her it, i was not interested in any of it - as i usually am - or at least i feign a level of interested indifference. i wanted to lie on the green grass and soak up the sun - to sing and run and dance and play with the dogs and the people and laugh and smile and kick some ass and just forget the world, exchange jokes and enjoy her existance as a human. maybe it was the fences, and the stench of chicken meat, the parade of disgusting flesh, the makeup the cologne, the cell phones, the ugh. i dont know what did it to me. but i did it - i went into the mode or the way i feel when none of it matters - when i feel above all this - its shitty - its another emotion i need to investigate to learn about but its there - sorry kayla.

kayla may be hairy but no one can come close to van - my beautiful beast - we have the evening together tonight. i look forward to that immensely.

i finished ishmael last night - it was beyond good. it was thought provoking. the book talks about re-writing human history, how it all goes back to cain and abel, i can not do it justice here. But chek it out - truly an amazing book - Ishmael by Daniel Quinn - I will loan it to anyone who asks.

i find it really funny how i write this as if anyone is listening or reading for that matter. and i laugh cause i know no one is reading it - hence my use of real names and so on - oh well - trails off in whimsy...

ishmael made me consider a lot of things. how i live - how i want to live - how everyone else lives - why we live how we live - why it is so hard too attempt to live in a manner that is co-operative with our planet -

i am confused - i guess its hard to make actual change in our society. its not impossible, ask anyone involved in the civil rights movement, women's suffrage movement, or the antiwar movement from the 60's and 70's. those movements all succeeded, to varying degrees. and wow i feel like a whiner - but to make actual change you need to commit everything you are to it. more than just time, money, and your job. but everything - i mean everything - be the revolution you desire, the revolution you want. start inside and work your way out - then hope others follow your lead - things like admitting and realizing that humans are worth absolutely nothing cannot just be up and preached with the expectations that people will just wake up and be like "oh yeah! how come i didnt see that before?" it doesnt work like that - but - hmmmm - here is where i run into mental conflict. if humans are just part of the system that we live in, and if in this system everything must die to make room for other organisms; why is it a big problem for me if people die in this war - or anywhere in any war for that matter - i know that if we keep feeding the hungry we will only end up with more hungry and the planet already cannot support life as it is. so what do i do? aye - being against war can be justified. environment, trying to keep the us gov out of the rest of the world, protecting the planet from the destructive policies of the bush admin. not a huge issue. but what about like hunger, poverty and so on? ok so reverse justification - ready for it? by caring about the hungry, the homeless, the poverty stricken, and the suffering it can help to empower the masses and drain governments and corporations of their assets to make them weaker and more vulnerable to influence from outside the system. the people who are suffering in poverty stricken areas of the world know that the big wigs and the fat cats have to go and will be more than important in the struggle against them - perfect example the rebellion in peru where a town rose up against a mining company that spilled mercury all over the town and refused to pay for proper medical treatment of the villagers - i want to say fuck those people - but those people the idigenous resitors to coporate globalization are essential to a successful stoppage of globalization and militarization of the whole word. with out them - i can do all the direct action and civil disobedeince i want and have little to no effect upon the corporations. working in concert with indigenous peoples from all over the world allows not only me but us to strengthen our ideals, our morals, the movement and serves as inspiration to all.