ok so fuck this

i watched "born on the 4th of july" starring tom cruise, its about a nam vet, who served two tours, got wounded during the second one and ends up being paralyzed from his 6th vertebra down. the whole movie felt like i was dragggin my insides over a field of sharp new rakes. or an elephant graveyard. i mean - this guy was so blinded by what he saw on the television - what he heard kennedy say - what his mother told him what his father told what his wrestling coach told him what the marine recruiters told him - he believed every word of it - he bought the whole package, every little bit, bought it and walked away with it, got halfway down the block he realized it was broke - but he couldnt return it - could not get his legs back his life back his soul back his future or his past back - this poor bastard was so lost and i could not believe how goddam gullible he was to the lies - Lies - and i look outside today at work at school and see the same now as was then and see my little brother who eats it up just as quickly as the next guy - i choke - i vomit - he says the same things - "freedom!" "liberty!" its...

i mean...

i cant just say that it is his life - cause it is also my life - he is my brother beyond that he is another human being and it burns me to see him buy in totally buy the package, buy the whole package, walk down the street a few years from now, when the US is invading the 4th or 5th country in the war on terror, and looking back and not being able to get his life back...

fuck...

i just hope enough of my bad influence rubs off on him and he picks up enough scraps of knowledge from my babble speak that he does not sign up to protect the world from terror. sigh.