holy shit.

and thats enough of that. but home? where the fuck am i?

laughter of my parents and thier friends echoes throughout the house and i cannot just deal right now.

it came up again with chris today, india judgement work people group, he knew thats why he emailed me, and good fine, im not totally ok with it.

there are people in my house right now. people. voices. no space. no quiet. no escape. im trapt and they will call for me sooner or later.

i cant believe it came up again today. bamn, through the conversation i dropped that i had no work and then chris, yeah we know how you did your work and then yeah i did my work - he knows, that means everyone knows, that means i feel isolated, the curtain falls, but mia invited over whenever i needed, do they not care? and maybe arent judging me on it?

and they watched the simpsons, i stared into space drinking my chocolate smoothie and not wanting to watch tv. i dont like tv, any tv really and i dont watch to watch or hear it and that goes for most radio too. and i felt isolated, seperated from them. not a part. and not being able to talk to some people adds to my feeling of general discontent and seperation, maybe i should make some emergency phone calls?

i feel bad, real bad infact. fuck. i now know what to do, im afraid to make some phone calls and the conflict sits there, how i relate to people. Ghana?

goddamn. ghana.

"i came like water, and like wind i go." Omar Kayyam

god, what a lesson, i cant even talk about it but its the only thing i talk think about. i cant run hide from it cause its the only thing there and i cant escape it because we all have the same friends and when we are all home we will meet and interact and again the chance.

chance.

nope. no chance.

yeah, there is a chance.

can i take it?

ai
d