hm. being involved in an international car theft ring would be exciting wouldnt it? probably no more exciting than taking the reigns of my own life and driving recklessly over unexplored terrain.

its sunday. which means little really - BAN meeting, work tomorrow, hmwk today, possible unspoken possibilities to think about.

i feel good. there is organic cheese in my house, expired, and no one else is eating so ive been working it slowly into my diet a bit at a time, its odd. and wierd and i dont know that if when i finish with the cheese in the house whether or not ill be able to stop or will i want more. guh. hm. i dont want that.

a history of dissent. inspiration and a rejection of the socialization that has happened to me. i struggle with walking down the street and the thoughts my mind screams at me. how do i control them without censoring my self, how do i appreciate without abusing? where is the line to walk finely? and how far does it go?

ive been thinking about self identity. and i think, that although it doesnt really make a difference to anyone but myself, that i might identify as queer. as someone who is attracted to anyone and who does not allow society's definition of what gender is to define their own gender. indeed. although the label is a very superficial thing and probably totally unimportant, i like it. when it comes down to the coffee grinds at the bottom of your cup i am demetrius and will always be no matter the title or label you put on me or i put on me.

hm.

hm.

hm.

ive got write a bunch of shit today for school, FUCK THAT.

rar.

i should get cracking.

and hey, it was real fun hanging out with lauren last night - she opens up and becomes progressively more fun as time goes on and thats great. its always odd because i expect that people should be exactly like me and i tend to reject those who arent, until given a chance and then viola! they are their own beautiful people and im left feeling humbled and sore from the new growth that has just occurred - tis a beautiful thing.

o.0 and i got a bit of my hormones under control. that deserves a baked cake mind you. a very large baked cake indeed.

i use the word indeed a lot. i think ill look for a new word now or maybe just expand my vocab to include many words, many words that would be appropiate for the situation at hand. yes, i like that idea best, i like that idea best by far.

hm and i dream of far off places and adventures yet to be had.

ai

d