aye so we've been vindicated

whoopty shit

we still failed

the invasion happened the war is raging, shit is kicking up in iraq like nobody's business and we get out goddamn vindication in an eloquent editorial a year later.

i feel like a peice of shit. i feel so strongly that i did not work hard enough, that i did not put enough effort in. that i did not start enough conversations, that i did not scream loud enough, that i should of done more cd done any da, organized more demos, more teachins more video showings, more call ins, more faxes, more letters, more anything.

i dont want to say that i know that no matter how much effort i put in that there would of been no way i could of stopped it even with the help of people world wide. i dont want to strip myself of that power, because i have that power, we have that power, the power to stop things to start things to reverse the course of the engines of destruction before they hit the forest and waterfall.

and now the question:

DO WE?

well...maybe, i hope so, my heart screams yes, but my mind screams no, and i refuse to resign myself to defeat. i refuse. i cannot live in a world where people do not matter because we do, i do and you do and we all do. there is no giving up.
the future is as yet unwritten and we will write it in beautiful colors with broad strokes of precision passion creation steaming hot plates of vegetables and tofu with crunchy side salads and soft cookies and tall cold glasses of soy milk.
my hands can write my lips can breathe my mind can think my eyes can see and my heart can feel, with that i am physically complete, but without grasping the hands of others, seeing the eyes of friends, devising plans in conjuction with partners, feeding the mouths of beautiful strangers and sharing emotions with fellow creators i am nothing but a hollow shell of life a number in the chain of code a spring in the machine a product on the assembly line but that i am not.
for with each failure comes lessons to learn and mistakes to not make in the future chances of redemption from self hate and possibilities of beauty around every corner and at the crest of each hill.

while vindication may come a year later, success will come only with time and struggle. both things i am willing to commit.
my confusion/anger still rages on burning down everything in its path, myself included.