i wonder if the chalk stains on my fingers mean anything?

does the fact that the stains have faded to nothing but dry skins mean anything?

does it show an intrest, a willingness, a spark, a flicker of hope prior to death~like an idea?

after montreal and miamii seriously began to question violence - my use of it, its place in our movement, the people who use it, and this violent system - and i thought i had an answer around early december of last year. but i didnt, what i had was just a thought being born. tonight i gave birth.

after a verbally violent interaction with a security guard and will talking to me about it - my idea became active, became alive - i saw the violence that we live everyday and i saw how i am participating in it. how my actions, my violent actions accelerated the situation with the security guard and if i had not been violent, had not been cocky, or egotistical there would of been no problem. but that carries with it much more than that sentence.

i dont know.

we live in a violent system in which every interactiong within this system is tainted with violence. there are interactions that have very little to no violence and then there is murder in all it's forms. trying to be non-violent is like trying to suppress emotions instinct.

im way too fucking tired to be writing abou this. but put simply, i saw how violent the system is tonight. and how i contribute to it and most importantly, how i need to bust my ass to change it.

d