a white male age 20
awakens one days and realizes that his life is a lie
that he is living on the backs of other people, his comfort killing them in the process
seeing that all he has is from others
that what he is is from others
that he is nothing
nothing to be proud of, nothing to honor, nothing to respect or enjoy
that his life is a joke, that these hard times are a crock of shit
that his angst and his anxiety and his suffering are insignificant specks in the scale of human emotion
and this white boy for all his revolutionary progressive thinking does not who he is
his realizations that his life is lie haunt him constantly and he struggles with understanding what direction to go in
this white boy feels a that every time he sees a black man, a brown woman, a yellow girl, a red boy. any of them, any age.
that they never had what he had, that what he has squandered could feed families that his waste is so extravagant you could wrap it and put it under the christmas tree.
that something so innocent as assumptions about other drivers on the road always consists of cocky white males, just like him.
and with these realizations the white boy is even more lost than before, now he knows what has happened, now he knows his assumptions are racist, but he knows naught what to do.

except think, and rethink and rethink again, constantly moving from question to answer back to question again, never letting his guard down, never letting the thoughts that he has gone far enough settle into his mind, never letting the oppurtunity to expose himself to the light to new angles or experiences be passed by. to never ever again assume that everything is ok, that the job is done, or equality exists. once white boy forgets his whiteness, her blackness, his browness then the job has been started but from there I have an even longer way to go.