what day is it?


is it thursday? wednesday? friday?

i dont know
i cant remember
my time seems to get wasted at trivial activities such as work, school, jumping through hoops which seem to get perenially higher.

well fuck that

im done
the hoops
are being broken and im not fucking playing any more.

this is more than just going to hawaii next fall this is stopping things now.

stopping how i let myself be sucked in everytime

how i fucking censor my self out of fear for other peoples feelings and reactions

why cant i fucking speak like i think we are people so fucking resitant to new ideas to new thoughts to not listenting to not obeying to actually fucking making a goddamn choice in their lives and not sitting idly by.

some asshole today over heard me talking about how we are not free in our society - i think the rant came from something having to do with the war im not sure - but this goddamn asshole is like "but we have a choice" and im like, what choice? i can choose job a or job b. that is no fucking choice i still 'have' to have a fucking job, i still need to willingly sequester myself behind the shiny translucent bars or america. but wait. i can choose what car i want to use to kill the planet - i can choose what fucking town i want to live in. if i have enough money - i can choose what fucking credit card will hold my fucking soul hostage. that is not freedom - just like freedom will not come from me typing in this box or me ranting to my friends or to myself freedom will come only when i, you, us! takes action to stop this madness to halt this machine to fuckign change things for once to not just sit by and watch our planet die.



i saw a beautiful kid today - he tried to drink a banana with a straw - he stuck the straw into the banana and began to suck.

i almost died of laughter - i actually jumped up and down when i saw this - it was beautiful - i love that kid - i wrote it on my hand so i can remember what he did. just so pefect.

i wrote emails to david rovics, against me, and hopeless dregs of humanity today asking them to do a benefit show for the teaneck 5, i hope they can help, rovics might, i doubt against me will - those fucking monkeys are on fat wreckords or something now and im all getting the label vibe from them - uh uh bad juju timmy bad juju.

one paper done

3 to go.
10 pg
3 pg
3 pg

all for the same jackass - hes not bad - i love em - funny and such an asshole - i am his fucking class - i mean why is it that i always end up being the class in everyclass i am in. and by being the class i mean being the fucking dork who always answers questions, volunteers, speaks up, picks fights with teachers...i mean...its like the room is filled with zombies and im the only psycho not eating brains and loosing parts of body to gangreene or drooling profusely. i mean is it fucking hard to ask questions to be wrong every now and then. what the fuck are these people afraid of? does everyone need a fucking drug to get them going. goddamn psychopathic losers. someone was all like 'i wonder about you sometimes' and i was like 'you wonder about me? i wonder about me' and then i thought and was like no fuck that i dont fucking wonder about me at all i dont fucking wonder for one fucking second about me i fucking wonder about the rest of the goddamn world every fucking second i am alive. shit. i am the only one who makes any sense at almost any minute of the day. fuck. this makes me real sad sometimes.

but.

then people like zack come around. people like arjun pop up in my life. people like lil' lauren show up, saiya, siobahn, lucy, annie, vanessa, lauren, cassie, chris, zoe, chris, kaori, sean, jake, mike, josh, dan rosen...the list of people who had me think life is worth living for the past few months is so long. the kindness that is inside people is fathomless and inspirational. keeps me smiling and keeps me moving. i love y'all. and if someone reads this and aint in that list, then i am thinking about you case you wouldnt know about this if i didnt care about you - so feel special. i dunno. i love everyone. you too.

tomorrow will be long.

wo hen lei.

ai