hm

there is alot here. and here and here and here as well.

oh the cold fear in my fingers and stomach.

van and i talked for a long long long long time today and it was an excellent talk which i feel really went into depth. covered alot of the issues we were having and addressed things and made some fundamental changes to make everything easier for us as we exist.

i look at that and it is a really short summary of what happened between us today and its not wholly accurate but it does a semblance of justice to what happened while protecting a level of privacy that i desire right now and i think she desires right now

tomorrow is the show.

like whoa.

the show.

the show where the majority of our money will be coming from for the legal fines. like whoa. i hope it fuckin rocks the wooden boat.

i am dropping the words

and i am nervous

i feel the need to rock the caffeine and i will try vehemently to resist.

FUCK THIS ADDICTION

ive fucking got it beat. why am i so susceptible to physical addictions? its fucking pathetic. argh. argh. argh.

.
.
.

there is more.

we moved from her and i for her and i to her and i as friends submitting to passions when they arise. we are best friends and she knows me better than anyone else that i know and i feel that i know her rather well as well. after discussing what we are and have been and being physical and our differences in that area ~ i am hyper active in that area and she is reticent to become intimate for valuable reasons ~ the unstated conclusion was come to that we are we. and we are friends who hold each very dearly and are still going to hawaii next fall together but we are not a relationship, we do not need to rely upon each other for comfort, we are friends, a team of destructive creative which could easily handle anything you throw at us. so bring yer shit and ill make sure you leave with my words ringing in your ears and her boot print on your ass.

aye we are and im madly in love with it.

so in all, things...

are good.

are they?

we will see.

but if you ask me, i'lll probably change the topic or come up with some other witty comment.

wo hen lei.

ai