feelings sometimes get worse over time. i was sitting on the tiolet thinking.

but, i cant post this up here. its not...i dont know. putting it up here wont get anything done it would be an unconstructive way to express how i feel.

im sitting in a cafe in mahwah, i didnt go to work today cause i ran up to hartford, ct to see friends and hear music. i had a wonderful time.

gah. fuck work. im running on angry, sad, excited and confused. i think im going to take some advice from zack and just not think about it. apparently it works for him. we'll see.

the sun is shining. four pakistani men are discussing buying a franchise. im smiling cause i want to celebrate. im going to get 3 dollars, replace my library card, get a copy of cat's cradle for tuesday's book club. tonight, whether it is the ridgewood critical mass or the transgender march for social and economic justice its going to be good times.

that feeling, the search for satisfaction, the itch, has been plaguing me all week. i dont know what it is. feeling dissatisfied. i think i should of gone to work today.

bu ai
d