talking, bubbling, poppping from the slightest pressure in the wrong place. light explosions an easy day on the battlefield, walking away unscathed what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger, you hope, learning the ropes of the suits and church, feeling it out just to make sure you dont crash and burn.

book clubs and cross burnings, bike fixing and anger rising, chinese dinners with the man who was my father and sunsets over coffee shops with strange dogs and nice strangers.

its the randomness and the bliss of summer that i love, the stress and the headaches of balancing acts and transition, of love of my live, of scabies, of mites, of hpv, of goodbye house of 18 years, of hello world from my fears, of hello unknown, and goodbye past, of trying fudge & hold connections through an acceptance that i dont seem to have, of having to spend everylast cent, of saving, raving, ranting and the new paving that makes me feel like im gliding on air.

its that feeling, lacking, missing right now that i cherish, which ill reclaim and i look forward to nights and days of concrete and streets and sweet sweet bicycle heat. and mornings and evenings with malcolm, my father or at least the man who once was my father. still footing the bill, still poking up hills, and so accepting, so fucking accepting that he keeps serving as a source of knowledge, less than 17 days from my 22nd birthday.

its a cool night, almost chill, nose cold, sleeves down, laptop hot on my legs. getting paid to do databases, i love wireless outdoors and swinging from social mores, leaving me smiling, frowning, restless and bored.


tomorrow summer officially begins. what, i wonder, will it bring?


ai
d