7 hours and counting. alone and nauseated. i went to our chinese place, our coffee shop, and our video store today. the woman at the chinese restaurant asked me if i was ordering food for 'the girl." people know us. her absence was recognized. not only by me, but by a character in our shared life. a life i like. one that i want. want her in. want her with me on train rides, bike rides, and bagel runs. want her to see the sun rise, the wine drip, and the road curve. waiting for her to be with me when we travel together, wishing she was here with me right now, and tomorrow too.

This month will have too many moments of loneliness.

I am not looking forward to it.