i just cant believe that kate left. its devastating. im trying to hold it together and not sedate myself, trying to not over eat, trying to not distract myself with booze, work, or movies. im keeping busy updating my ipod with her music cause i get to think about this morning and her. and listening to the message she left me this morning brought tears to my eyes. she is in the air right now. sitting in the aisle seat, hopefully not alone.

i did not realize or allow myself to accept the fact the she was leaving. i didnt want the tears, once they found me i just shut down. i feel lost. i want to be holding her right now. i want to be next to her, so she can make me feel the way she makes me feel.