2:37am start
strikes me as a normal time to be reading and replying to emails
strikes me that i am missing more sunrises than worth it
strikes me that i am letting more sunsets pass by as words burn through computer code and i absorb fact after fact about india
strikes me like the light shining through tree branches covered in ice, highlighted siloutted and moving like darkness
strikes me like myself moving so fast that my feet are touching nothing but the ground and reflection happens minutes before i sleep or make love and i think why the fuck has time for myself disappeared been co-opted by schoolwork research and distractions that are just distractions
strikes me that my application for an indian visa serves as more motivation than food sunrises sunsets and at moments, love
strikes me that i have no idea what love is
strikes me that i still love you
strikes me that i still love you
strikes me that i never stopped
strikes me that if i let you read this you might be afraid or it might be too much
strikes me hard

upper west side 90th and amsterdam ave, tofu cream cheese pumperknickel bagel cold rain side walks 9am indian embassy another bagel a cup of coffee another bagel another cup of coffee

the day begins and i am carried along effortless in the movement of the city, by the movement in this dull life throbs like car horns in my ears and burns like cigarette smoke in my eyes or sits delicious like faux pork chops or wheat gluten that tastes like beef

2:44am breathe

negativity i want to dine with you without recreating patterns of parasitism
i want to see you and smile without repeatition creeping
i want to be honest with out fearor fearlessly honest.

2pm rolls around like lentils on my tongue burning chunks of potatoe warm my belly but fingers are cold clutching the plastic mug like saving one cup will free me from this addiction, 3.50 for lunch and i stand in the rain watching cabs and bikes go by wondering about the possibility in a bag of carrots or the meaning in soy milk as a topping. fuck the deputy iraqi ambassador. fuck spelling and fuck elections. ill pretend for 20 minutes and think about my future as a lawyer, pro-bono, except for assholes.

i write future and you flash like freedom before me i know and knew it and hate it and love it but fear it most of all and know that these words are too much but if im going to be honest with out fear or fearlessly honest i need to start now by not rereading this email and just clicking send.

2:53am end
demetrius

ps. i reread it for spelling and grammar