sleepy, languid, drowsy, moving slower than molasses uphill in february, sluggish, drained, and pooped

this is what happens when i do not get enough sleep and refuse to drink multiple cups of coffee. it also happens when i do not eat right or skimp on the food for an additional few hours, im definately carrying around extra stores of energy but i still need protein. this morning i am angry with myself and with my bicycle.

At 6:45am the alarm goes off, waking up, i dress, and get ready to ride, johanna see's me out and i'm off. I hit broadway and then the west side highway bike path making excellent time and working hard, letting my thoughts drift along the hudson and the pink early morning glow of jersey, im satisfied and looking forward to this day.

Zipping along at about 15 mph, two turns rise in front of me scattered with loose rocks, navigating the first one smoothly, i get set to roll right through the second one, leaning into the turn i hit a rock and my heart drops as i hear the air begin to gush from my tire. I roll on, slower and turning in the smallest swoops possible to avioding skidding and cursing myself for not having a patch kit, and extra tube, or a pump with me. I make it to 145th street and get on the 1 & 9 to downtown. Its only 7:30am and my day is begining to look like a roller coaster.

Johanna is doing well, afraid of the traditional early winter depression she had constructive comments and was honest all night. Things are different though. The summer feeling is gone from our exchanges and its more brusque, colder now, less color in our words and less sparkle in our eyes. The space between us is wider, time has slipped in there, along with growth, and my mind's current. Honesty is demanding it's say and i know that it must be given. I wish that summer had never ended this year.

Do I?

No, not at all. Winter is beautiful and Bangalore calls my name. Falling hurts, but the recovery period is worth it and I'm making progress, what more could I ask for?

Everything.