a totally different reality indeed.

alot. like a couple dozen lakhs of dump trucks dumping emotion, reality, experience, challenges, and hot sweet black tea on me all at once.

im loving it.

though challenged. a spot perturbed withmyself for not being up on silly things, like daily bouts of sweating to maintain my sexiness or only going to yoga every other day, not daily. or my fucking roomate who is turning out to be the biggest challenge her - except for the fact that i cant yet relate to larry or emily(black & republican respectively) feeling really fucking lost when it comes to those two, though larry and i both enjoy a bit of green now and then so that is working; emily im totally lost, kind of...we will see.

so, dropping pretension is hard, being honest too, not letting the fact that most kids in the group dont speak in lectures keep me from speaking and engaging the lectures, but then is that just a manifestation of privilege(economic and race and gender)? which im not actively destroying or is it a product of experience and preparation - because i did spend a shit of time this semester researching this country and ive been exposed to critical traditions for a few years and i lack the fear of being/saying something stupid - whatever it is - this trip is manifesting into a spot more of a personal challenge - how i relate to people as somewhat of a dominant theme - for example: lata, beautiful girl who works in the kitchen, there is no concept of casual anything here, so any intimacy without marriage is more or less out the question, but she can help me learn kannada(local language) and i can teach her english - alternate connection established, but shiiiiiiit putting away the hormones is not like putting away legos.

eastern religions fun fun fun. liberation struggles of the dalits/untouchable. critical analysis of gandhi and hinduism, someone who claims that islam can be liberal, all sorts of positions to dissect and digest and then throw their shit right back at them. the painfully obvious lack of any spirituality in the west and the glaring nature of it here, gaudy even but the power of ritual moves me and i tend to really enjoy getting coconut oil thrown on my head along with kokum?(red powder) to watch rituals that are alive and somewhat meaningful makes me really wonder about rituals that i engage in on a daily basis, introspective self analysis competes with ten page papers that must be written and shit all id like to do is chat and cook and make friends with villagers but thats not an option - i think we are doing something tomorrow that involves the exploitation of animals - woooooooo. what an enlightening perspective. i might just not go.


i love that i am not just a source of prospective and sarcasm but tension as well.

swanky. to think that people think about lil ole me when im far far away is such a wonderfulthang.

ahhhh i smell food cooking im going to go bother the kitchen staff - not just staff but lata, jayama, luckama, gopi, ruckama, lunama, lewis and little jayama - and have them teach me things i dont know.