holy shit


it has been awhile. but this is fun. so i've returned.

i went to south africa, montreal, kentucky, and the fartherst recesses of my mind. i've returned from 3 of the 4.

ill be posting my south africa journal bit by bit and adding daily updates. i doubt anyone reads this, but im doing mostly for me. with love - d


first journal update:


Warning to reader:

This is a journal, a collection of thoughts, ideas, and whispers of passion. There are no rules covering the pages below - punctuation has been abandoned, capitalization has been misused, used, abused and ignored, grammar has been kidnapped and left by the side of road, bound, gagged, and bleeding. The words below are honest, pure, and untainted by the controls of our language, the words below simply are.


This is an attempt to capture the myriad of emotions, experiences, and adventures which encapsulate one person's journey to and from the new South Africa.
One person journeying to the birthplace of all persons - experiencing the rapid globalization of South Africa - the depth and breadth of poverty and the vast range of personal experiences.
This attempt at documenting my journey, starting the end of June and finishing in late July, will undoubtedly fail to accurately represent all of South Africa but what is captured between these pages will give one insight into my South Africa.


June 28 2003
The infamous day before - gah.
finalizing pack.
anticipating nervous angry disappointed but hopeful and resilient.

June 29 20003
survived the mass trans adventure to the airport
The Gay Pride march was today and I watched so many beautiful people on trains, in buses, and on the street. My jealousy almost got the best of me. It would of been a challenge to drag myself away from that party. But I am smiling for them with them, happy with the recent supreme court ruling and just smiling in general. I've got an amazing month ahead of me. South Africa! Who would of thought that I would ever make it to Africa - never in my wildest dreams and now that I have been reading more and more primitivist literature I'm even more excited. Fuck the malaria pills though - those are some unpleasant, unhealthy, useless, and just disgusting creations. Fuck all those shots too and fuck the absurd amount of money that was paid to get those shots. 24% of the cost of a medicine goes into development, research, and production. the other 76% is fucking marketing and profit. It's vomit inducing that people make money off others because they are sick and now the idea has been taken so far as refusing care to those who cannot afford it. So the rich stay rich and healthy and poor stay poor and sick and the middle class busts their asses to keep the system moving. and where do i fit into this? upper middle - trying to figure out and overcome my fear. trying to realize how insignificant I am. Its 4pm. one more hour and twenty minutes I can check in and head to the gate - eagerly awaiting the roar of twin turbo jet engines taking me away.

July 1 2003
the immense waste of food on the plane - the immense waste of materials, time, effort on this building - the waste of resources to get us here - the american imperial culture language hegemony - i'm in an airport in france and every sign is in french then english, in china it was chinese then english, in japan it was japanese and then english - not only is america a military superpower - the military superpower - we are also the cultural superpower and by culture, i mean out language is universal - we are destroying native tongues post haste and it, our language/culture, was spread by the rise of global capitalism (colonialism) and in colonialism's wake we have neo-colonialism. maybe i should address why this is bad. why is a language specific to one people/area needed or necessary.
language and culture hegemony - a biggie eh? why do i even see this? notice this? or care? because i do not desire everyone to be part of the same culture. especially not a culture that is shallow greedy materialistic emotionally deceitful deadly to our planet and obviously a failure.
Watching the cities at night as we fly over France is beautiful - not just beautiful but a perfect display of evolutionary conflict/competition. the cities - our culture - our system - our way of life - us - the planet.
I see the beautiful cities spread across the landscape like pimples. they are magnificent to watch - manifestations of the system - they truly are a new organism - growing beautifully and swiftly across the planet they disgust me. i long for endless acreage of pristine woods for limitless freedom - to be naked without shame - to be proud to be an animal - to be the animal we all are - to accept that animal within me.
while waiting outside the mcdonalds in paris today i could not help but people watch . it helped me to reach my decision about the fall. paris is the same as NYC as london as barcelona - while i'm sure there are wonderful bastions of resistance in each, i dont want to immerse myself in a 4 month tour of a culture i hate. i despise the individualism - the total lack of community the totally disgusting sharing of idiotic trends - while it manifests differently in each country i.e. paris: less skin, more color variation, more experimentation but the same pathetic shit i see in ridgewood i see here on a grander scale.
this is a culture i have grown up in, grown with, it has educated me, taught me who i was, what i knew, what i was to do. to grow up in this bastion of individualism and now, i am - how to put this gently - ready to fucking rend it limb from limb the next time i see a tiffany's bracelet.
I want to live in something new, i want to explore the country side, the mountains, the woods, i want to be immersed in a culture based on communal values and ideas, i want to live amongst people who arent wholly consumed by capitalism and individuality - yeah i love freedom and i exercise it, but i am aware that sacrifices must be made, if humanity is going to survive.
List of things to do:
Ø ride bike across/around country, this country, any country.
Ø Teach english in china
Ø explore south america - this would encourage and facilitate acquiring a working knowledge of spanish.
Ø try to establish a series of community houses activist centers - places that would offer housing to those in need of, free classes to the community, bike repair, food not bombs centers, community kitchens, libraries, skill shares. people could lodge here for work exchange, gardening, cooking, cleaning, painting, repair, errand running, community work and so on. a series of these would be excellent and amazing.

Humantiy needs not to just to survive but to coexist harmoniously with the environment, the planet, ourselves - right now. we aint doing that.
I WANT TO KNOW WHY WE WENT TO A FUCKING MALL!
that was an enormous waste of time. if i wanted to see a mall and eat shitty italian food i would of stayed in jersey. if i wanted to be treated as if i was an incompetent child i would of gone to jail, people who cant control themselves are no one's problem but their own. no one on this trip is a child. no one here is a concern to the older people on this trip. this bullshit about not being let out at night is crap, you want to experience the "new south africa, henry?" then let us out, let us get fucking mugged and roughed up. that is south africa isn't it? well? and rappaport was blessed with no special authority by the office of study abroad, she should have no say in dictating policy while on this trip.
yeah and already two mcdonalds and countless other recognizable brands. coupled with language hegemony america has a cultural hegemony. it manifests more interestingly, more subtley, more subversively. i'd like to think that the ceos of mcdonalds and other multinational corporations are only acting in the intrests of themselves, albeit ignorantly. i fervently hope that they are not acting with malice, i hope that they are acting with out the knowledge of the horrors they have caused so far. i believe that my hopes may be in vain. I know that people are good and happy, happy and sociable, it is the system that makes us angry, greedy, sad, selfish, destructive, violent.
this evening was a waste - franz snores and monty is wierd and unsettling.
again, i have hope - we are all social and happy.
every day i question this.
is it untrue or is it systematic ignorance?
I am looking forward to actually learning something about SA.