morning in ocotal, cool, crisp and grey dawn rising with streamers of red gold yellow cutting slices of the sky like a slices of pie but with the sun as the knife. alissa wanted pictures i wanted to walk and to be with her before she left and to smile with someone so we meet at her corner where i stretched while waiting and then we went into barrio sandio to find the bienvienidos a ocotal sign at the end of a dirt road which bumps into the panamerican, we played stupid gringos for some ocotaleños as she photographed my tattoos in the light, walking home now with the sun high and strong and the traffic of life in ocotal moving briskly along we were attacked by a runaway cow and watched the cowboy struggle to control the steer with his horse, had a double yellow toothed old man ¡oy! us and made music with the fallen ear shaped seed pods of a magnificent tree that seemed to hold the sun in its branches after pictures of our new ears we made music while we walked and eventually smashed our ears on the calle like discarded shells on the beach or smashed plates at a greek restuarant we meandered to the statue of sandino photographed his history, and tried to see in the digital image a revolution, a history of resistance and international solidarity the sun was too strong for that so we just stared at the school children playing soccer below us in pedro joaquin chamorro school. the yarda was next, the mural that connected violence against women to low unemployment our target, we had to ask about words unfamiliar: castigo as she photographed in segments and raged against the shadows that ruined her pictures,

ill return at high noon, she said. i agreed, but knew i wasnt coming with her. maybe thats indicative of our relationship here. together for a day apart for a few and now she leaves, it will feel like a gunshot wound or gash to neck or a tattoo on the shins, repeated stinging pain,jabbing jabbing, stabbing at my skin my muscles my bone when the person that was there for you and whose smile made your days leaves you, unintentionally to survive on your own, you feel that abandonment clearly, you want to abandon to hold onto control, something you want to destroy to demonstrate power, you want to create to build security in the face of insecurity, but you know that friendship is the most secure thing you could build right now and you just hope thats right.

the yarda, less fruitful than hoped leads to dhyanas house, they moved the rainbow colored school bus, i say, yeah she says. we knock knock knock, we threaten to huff and to puff and to blow her house down and she awakes, greats in nighty and promptly collapses on the couch as we talk and mellow out her morning as the both of us are bright eyed and lit up with morning sun adrenaline and smiles. french toast, pinol, hot water are all on order, angela wakes up say, you let these clowns in? i laugh dhyana in her soft way chastizes us by recreating the cat calls that woke her from her dreams angela makes guacamole and we smell delicious on the center plate as marcí arrives to clean the house and the gringo nica tension is crystal clear present, like we are just supposed to accept, smiles are had with the maple syrup and powdered sugar egg butter covered toast and we seal the morning shut with hip hop violins smiles, walks and books being checked out of the library, my appetite for english has been ravenous recently and i dont know why.

we walk more, smile more, take more photos, get one of san fransisco smiling after running into two of alissas family members here i love that 10 o clock here means community, taxis and tampico juice delivery trucks in ocotal the shade of san fransisco lets me hide, lets her shoot and we throw water at each other and she runs and says no! i played this game yesterday with ramon! aye! ok ok, i say, we dont have to play, just take more photos.

we do, just one or two, we say goodbye, i hit home for lunch, sleep, and smiling read some james joyce, before going to class. there are things i am happy not knowing and dhyana thanks for a conversation we didnt have on the beach.

i dash. i hide. i love.