ok - so i am testing out the new blogger format - as of right now - its dandy.

yeah - i dunno - no, i do know.

tomorrow night i intend to preform again, this time at cool beans in oradell after the bergen action network meeting. both of those things fucking kick ass.

again i had an excellent time with everyone last night - and lauren needs to learn the difference between baking SODA and baking POWDER. for real girl, you totally ruined the cookies, BUT its all good, my first vegan cookies fucking sucked like nobody's business. ha, they were not even vegan. but, shhhhhhhhh. no one needs to know. except me. ;)

DORK DORK DORK DORK

ok, so yeah, its lovely out and i feel lovely inside - something good is going on and aside from all the negative outside influence i dont really mind - i will survive - so the truck i used, have been using, died a few days ago, the trans went, and while it was sad, i sang to her while we drove to the garage together, made the most of our last few moments, i thought of all the good times, and all passionate times, the uninhibited times, the intoxicated times, the sad times, the scary, the TIMES. THE TIMES. oh man that truck has been through so much, just so much, it felt like a good part of me was actually moving on. and interestingly enough, Nocturna died recently as well, we had spent alot of time together and i was torn up over that too. and so why did two parts of me die so close together? i mean its just interesting, two things, so close together, interesting, im not sure if there is much there, but i mean, it helps to force me to let go of what was and hold onto or teach me to not become reliant upon what is. confusion my friends, confusion.

its wierd, sad wierd, interesting wierd, hope filled wierd, good.

im in love.

i love being in love with the person im in love with and the way we love each other and the we can revert to high school actions without concern for others ourselves and not thinking twice and just having a good time, enjoying each other - ands it wierd the rest of the world rails against us, violently, VIOLENTLY, fucking violently, and sharp and diggin right through me and cutting us off at certain parts, so when we see each other for the small amount of time we do see each other there is such negative outside pressure we get funky with each other and have trouble just existing, but when we exist, WE EXIST, we are the beauty of springtime and winter and summer and nothing and all the things you wished you had but could never reach out of fear for losing everything you had but that one second of total petrification can be the most exhilariting second of your life and lead you the best longest most out of controlled but controlled ride you will ever take. its not about being you or being labeled or being an exisiting member of anything its about being free and not concerning yourself over machinations of insanity that the activists seem to get caught in if we all just lived then there would be no fucking war, no poverty, no horror, if we all look at the system and look at the horror that the system is and realize its futility then its easy. look back the the thousands of years we have wasted on this, THOUSANDS OF YEARS, we have wasted our existance as human beings and now we must demand our right of return our right to freedom our right to live without being told how to live with out catching flack for fuckin thinkin the unthunk thoughts. aye fuck this.

ATTENTION:

for those who may read this and enjoy what i say. fine. find enjoyment in it. but dont fucking idolize me dont take these words to heart, these arent your words, these arent my words. they are fucking useless words. you need to take your own words and free your ass i cant do shit for you. you are you and i am me. i appreciate compliments, but dont - just dont - look at me in any sort of light - im just another animal.

that above paragraph sounds cocky and asshole-esque. fine. i think it is needed.

wo he hao.

jintian, wo qu gongzou.

ai